I learned this one growing up in Texas and, subsequently, living in Los Angeles: always use the 'usted' form when speaking to a Spanish official. Mexican border patrol cops don't like it when you call them 'amigo,' give them a hardy pat on the back, slip a $20 in their pocket. No bueno, it doesn't fly. By the way, those of you not laughing at that obviously took French in high school, and that was a gay choice.
Iliza ShlesingerI don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.
Iliza ShlesingerYou're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room.
Iliza ShlesingerIf I could have any job I would be a cat... but that's not something I'm supposed to talk about in public.
Iliza ShlesingerI don't come up with ideas, they come to me. I write them down and try to convey what's wrong with me to the audience as best I can.
Iliza Shlesinger