Ladies, just know that when you grow your hair too long, you got about two inches difference between really hot, sexy supermodel - religious fanatic. Hot Maxim cover girl everybody wants a mouth kiss - unhealthy faith in your lord. Soft, silky, shiny hair everyone wants to touch - one of 12 brides.

I don't come up with ideas, they come to me. I write them down and try to convey what's wrong with me to the audience as best I can.

You're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room.

The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.

Ladies, just know that when you grow your hair too long, you got about two inches difference between really hot, sexy supermodel - religious fanatic. Hot Maxim cover girl everybody wants a mouth kiss - unhealthy faith in your lord. Soft, silky, shiny hair everyone wants to touch - one of 12 brides.

I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.