You can't be both happy and ambitious.

All you need to know about plotting is twofold. 1. Give your characters goals. 2. Don't let them reach those goals.

If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, stop complaining - this is what you chose.

Write the best book you possibly can, then dedicate yourself to getting people to read it.

Of course, Jack Kilborn is better than both of us combined and mixed with a side helping of the Bronte sisters.

Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might give you a reason to be nasty, they don’t give you a reason to be in this lane.

If you can't be smart or funny, be brief.