When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it.

For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.

We came here to pick up chicks, not talk about dicks.

I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.

Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest.

I'm sure back in the Greek days or the Roman Empire days, when guys fought in arenas and were fighting lions, people were talking smack. Every era in history has someone talking smack. No way you can have talent and not proclaim your victory.