Just because you don't know how to do stand-up doesn't mean you don't know how to put on a show.

I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

The real challenge is if you don't look super sexy, like a Brad Pitt, you're going to have to try harder. You're going to have to make up for it in other ways.

Push-ups, sit-ups, and a strict diet of raisins. That's my plan [for 2011].

I serve society by rocking!

A long life or a short life are of equal importance to God.

Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendous writers.