Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendous writers.

I'm used to being crazy and "rock-n-rolly", which is a little different than this world. For me, it was a chance to stretch a little bit.

There were times when I thought I got a bit more punishment than was coming to me, but I don't regret a minute of it now. Each of us must be tempered in some fire. Nobody had more to do with choosing the fire that tempered me than myself, and instead of finding fault with the fire I give thanks that I had the metal to take the temper and hold it.

Just because you don't know how to do stand-up doesn't mean you don't know how to put on a show.

We're in the dark ages if J-Lo can have a music career because of her ass. And let's face it, that's it.

Me personally, I don't have anything against Jesus any more than I do any of the religious icons. I think they're all pretty funny.

I'm an aspiring writer. I hate that phrase. You're either a writer or you're not.