Staying together is a challenge. We all have to accept qualities in other people that aren't always exactly what we want or need.

Kids are life's only guaranteed, bona fide upside surprise.

A man needs a private life. With no ability to have a private life, one thing leads to another, and before you know it we have Bill and Monica. We need to get real about things. Humans are humans. Why should we expect more?

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award.

I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it.

This town needs an enema!

I have to keep myself in check when I go to the kids' sports events. I sit waaay in the back. I make sure I don't do too much cheering, you know what I mean? I'm still not quite adjusted to this modern school of thought: Oh, it doesn't matter who wins. I'm not all the way there yet, but I accept it from the back row.