Don't pity me now, don't pity me never; I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.

The maddest phenomenon in this wholly mad world – that the filming or wirelessing of an event, whether it is the Grand National or an attack in force on the Maginot Line, is held to be of more importance than the event itself.

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.

I... wonder what it is in the New York air that enables me to sit up till all hours of the night in an atmosphere which in London would make a horse dizzy, but here merely clears the brain.

The Englishman can get along with sex quite perfectly so long as he can pretend that it isn't sex but something else.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

I don't know very much but what I do know I know better than anybody, and I don't want to argue about it…My mind is not a bed to be made and re-made.