Don't pity me now, don't pity me never; I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.

The Englishman can get along with sex quite perfectly so long as he can pretend that it isn't sex but something else.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.

Your Englishman, confronted by something abnormal will always pretend that it isn't there. If, however, you force him to look into it, he'll at once pretend that he sees the object not for what it is but for something that he would like it to be.

To force myself to earn more money, I determined to spend more.