New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

Shaw's plays are the price we pay for Shaw's prefaces.

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he or she has bronchitis.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

Don't pity me now, don't pity me never; I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.