New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

The Englishman can get along with sex quite perfectly so long as he can pretend that it isn't sex but something else.

Don't pity me now, don't pity me never; I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.

To force myself to earn more money, I determined to spend more.

The worst of failure of this kind is that it spoils the market for more competent performers.

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.

The maddest phenomenon in this wholly mad world – that the filming or wirelessing of an event, whether it is the Grand National or an attack in force on the Maginot Line, is held to be of more importance than the event itself.