Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

This was an actress who, for twenty years, had the world at her feet. She kicked it away, and the ball rolled out of her reach.

The worst of failure of this kind is that it spoils the market for more competent performers.

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.

The Englishman can get along with sex quite perfectly so long as he can pretend that it isn't sex but something else.