The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth.

It takes that je ne sais quoi which we call sophistication for a woman to be magnificent in a drawing-room when her faculties have departed but she herself has not yet gone home.

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

It did not take Man long-probably not more than a hundred centuries-to discover that all the animals except the dog were impossible around the house. One has but to spend a few days with an aardvark or llama, command a water buffalo to sit up and beg or try to housebreak a moose, to perceive how wisely Man set about his process of elimination and selection.

Reason is 6/7 of treason.

Humor and pathos, tears and laughter are, in the highest expression of human character and achievement, inseparable.