I never quite know when I'm not writing. Sometimes my wife comes up to me at a party and says, "Dammit, Thurber, stop writing." She usually catches me in the middle of a paragraph.

No male can beat a female in the long run because they have it over us in sheer, damn longevity.

I can feel a thing I cannot touch and touch a thing I cannot feel. The first is sad and sorry, the second is your heart.

There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.

If you wonder which is the stronger sex, watch which one twists the other around her little finger.

Humourists lead... an existence of jumpiness and apprehension. They sit on the edge of the chair of Literature. In the house of Life they have the feeling that they have never taken off their overcoats.

It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.