If a playwright tried to see eye to eye with everybody, he would get the worst case of strabismus since Hannibal lost an eye trying to count his nineteen elephants during a snowstorm while crossing the Alps.

A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.

Unless artists can remember what it was to be a little boy, they are only half complete as artist and as man.

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

Love is what you've been through with somebody.