The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Mutual suspicions of mental inadequacy are common during the first year of any marriage.

The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road.

The difference between our decadence and the Russians is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic.

Last night I dreamed of a small consolation enjoyed only by the blind: Nobody knows the trouble I've not seen!

Man is troubled by what might be called the Dog Wish, a strange and involved compulsion to be as happy and carefree as a dog

A word to the wise is not sufficient if it doesn't make sense.