Dogs are obsessed with being happy.

The sanity of the average banquet speaker lasts about two and a half months; at the end of that time he begins to mutter to himself, and calls out in his sleep.

I loathe the expression “What makes him tick.” It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solutions, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm.

Man has gone long enough, or even too long, without being man enough to face the simple truth that the trouble with man is man.

It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

The difference between our decadence and the Russians is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic.