Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Two is company, four is a party, three is a crowd. One is a wanderer.

It was Lisa, aged five, whose mother asked her to thank my wife for the peas we had sent them from our garden. 'I thought the peas were awful, I wish you and Mrs. Thurber were dead, and I hate trees,' said Lisa.

Americans want to go to heaven without dying.

Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.

There is no exception to the rule that every rule has an exception.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.