It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it.

To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.

Is being an idiot like being high all the time?

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'

You know, I have no web presence, and I don't know that there's many people who really do know me that much anymore.