I'm sorry about your Porsche." "I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful." I was just sitting in your car!" Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.

My father hired you to protect me," Ahmed said, "not to go off chasing men." Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. "We think this guy killed Fred." "Who's Fred?" "My uncle," I told him. "He's married to Mabel." "Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing.

Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts. "I've still got pretty good legs, you know." She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. "What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?" Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.

Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record.

You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?” ~ Morelli

Truth is, I think naked men are kind of strange looking what with their doodles and ding-dong hanging loose like they do. Nevertheless, there's the curiosity thing. I guess it's another one of those car crash experiences, where you feel compelled to look even if you know you'll be horrified.

Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.