I took all of my rejection letters - there must have been thousands of them in a huge box - and I went out on the curb and burned them all, crying.

The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy. "I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break.

Shirley's gonna be pissed," Gazarra said. "She hates when I get shot." To my recollection, the only other time Gazarra was shot was when he was playing quick draw in the police station elevator and his gun accidentally discharged. The bullet ricocheted off the elevator wall and lodged in Gazarra's right buttock.

Some people learn from books, some listen to the advice of others, some learn from mistakes. I fit into the last category. So sue me.

Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.

Good thing he's dead," Lula said, "or that would have hurt like the devil.