Valerie was crying, too. She was laughing and sniffling back sobs. “I’m going to marry my snuggy wuggums,” she said. Morelli paused, his fork halfway to the roast chicken platter. He slid his eyes to me and leaned close. “If you ever call me snuggy wuggums in public I’ll lock you in the cellar and chain you to the furnace.

I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.

We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits. - Joe Morelli

Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.

Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this." - Morelli

Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.