Has it ever occurred to you that you might be delusional?' That's what the psychiatrist said, but I think he's wrong. There's an evil flying pizza out there, and it's got Brenda's name on it.

When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don’t need ironing.

I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple.

You need teeth like mine!" Grandma said. "You can just mail 'em to the dentist!

I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.

Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?' Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.' Superheroes are make-believe.' Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?

If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.