On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.

You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?” “Yeah. I sucked it out of the church. You know that bird-bath thing they got right up front?” “The baptismal font?” “That’s it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking.” “Brilliant,” I said to Lula. She tapped her head with her finger. “No grass growin’ here.

If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her." Ranger

My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn." "She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action." -Ranger and Stephanie

I almost never shoot people.

Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done.

Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.