A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.

He squinted at me. "What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this." - Morelli

I don't know much about cars," Joyce said, "but I think someone took my engine.

Arson is a respected profession among certain subcultures in Jersey, and the good ones don't get caught. The good ones channel lightning and mysterious acts of spontaneous combustion.

When people ask what you do, tell them you're a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.