He squinted at me. "What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?

I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.

Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position.

You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.

'It's been almost a month since you found a body. I knew you were due.'

I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy. "I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break.