Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I said to Ranger. "Not drunk," Ranger said. "Just relaxed and naked.

I could use some help with an FTA. What's your problem? He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him.

If you want to cry, you're not going to like my books.

You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym.

Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.

A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.