You can always tell how a man will treat his wife by the way he treats his mother.

You know, sometimes you've got to trust the people you love. You've got to trust that if they're good people, they'll make good decisions.

That's the thing about the internet. It's really good at giving you pointless facts like how many horses a star owns, but not important things like how to invade his trailer.

Happy people are rarely interesting.

Well you can't believe everything you read. After all, by definition, fiction writers lie for a living.

Peacocks have the bright feathers. Fish have the long tails. Women have the mall.

Misfortune and Fortune are eerily similar, but Fortune is a better dresser and more fun at parties.