I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English.

Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.

If you expect me to believe that a lawyer wrote A Midsummer Night's Dream, I must be dafter than I look.

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.

I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years," she announced with some small sense of achievement. "I hope to be able to start marking the papers of pupils who are still alive by the end of the decade.

Lesson one in time travel, Thursday. First of all, we are all time travellers. The vast majority of us manage only one day per day.

We were developing a machine that used egg white, heat and sugar to synthesize methanol when a power surge caused an implosion. Owens was meringued. By the time we chipped him out the poor chap had expired.