I repeat his words in my head. What's going on? What's going on? Oh, well, since you asked, I got a bunch of tapes in the mail today from a girl who killed herself. Apparently, I had something to do with it. I'm not sure what that is, so I was wondering if I could borrow your Walkman to find out. 'Not much,' I say.
Jay AsherI was too weak to walk. At least, I thought I was too weak. But in truth, I was too weak to try.
Jay AsherLike driving along a bumpy road and losing control of the steering wheel, tossing youโjust a tadโoff the road. The wheels kick up some dirt, but you're able to pull it back. Yet no matter how hard you try to drive straight, something keeps jerking you to the side. You have so little control over anything anymore. And at some point, the struggle becomes too muchโtoo tiringโand you consider letting go. Allowing tragedy... or whatever... to happen.
Jay AsherWatching those guys pummel each other so no one would suspect them of being weak was too much for me. Their reputations were more important than their faces.
Jay AsherJosh turns to me. โI canโt believe sheโs writing these things.โ โNot she,โ I say. โMe.โ โWhy would anyone say this stuff about themselves on the Internet? Itโs crazy!โ โExactly,โ I say. โIโm going to be mentally ill in fifteen years, and thatโs why my husband doesnโt want to be around me.
Jay Asher