Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someoneยดs career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want to ruin someoneยดs career in Hollywood, you claim they are Republican.
Jay LenoJohn Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take the country back? See, he knows how the wealthy think. He can spy on them at his country club, at his place in Palm Beach, at his house in the Hamptons. He's like a mole for the working man.
Jay LenoElections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and bad toupees.
Jay LenoCongratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the Republicans. It seems that depression is covered by Obamacare.
Jay LenoYou know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's $25 million. This is what I love about our priorities. We spend $25 million trying to get rid of Saddam Hussein. The Republicans spend $50 million trying to get rid of Gray Davis. It doesn't seem quite right.
Jay Leno