Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood, you claim they are Republican.

I went to see that movie 'From Hell,' or as Osama bin Laden calls it - 'Roots.'

Michele Bachmann told reporters that she will lead the nation in prayer if she is elected president. You know if she is elected president, we all better be praying. She doesn't have to lead us.

50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men!

Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?

President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.

Enron is now officially out of the energy business. They are now in a new business: confetti.