The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.