A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time.

On Capitol Hill, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales raised his right hand, swore to tell the truth, and then everybody had a good laugh and went back to what they were doing.

They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

President Obama signed a bill preventing members of Congress from profiting from insider trading. Didn't you think that was already illegal?

People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans.

All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.