Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns.

Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles.

If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.'

All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.