Last night, we had the first gubernatorial debate. Some people are criticizing Schwarzenegger for not going. They say Arnold goes around telling people he cares, everything is going to be great, forget about everything he did in the '70s. Hey, it worked for George Bush.

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay.

I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?

Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all.