I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke but I don't want to get audited by the IRS.

President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It's about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida.

Regulations force people to do better.

Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush.

Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.

The report on climate change said that humans are very likely making the planet warmer. To which Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, can't blame me for that one.'

President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony Weiner said, “It’s a trap, don’t do it!” But President Obama’s tweets are a little different than Anthony Weiner’s. When Obama sends out pictures of something obscene, it’s the unemployment numbers.