President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while writing in Greek with the other. I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.

Ratings for the XFL are so low that pretty soon they'll be able to address the viewers by name.

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.

The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full military support. You know what that means: Both tanks.

Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer.

The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn't that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he's already gone Hollywood.