If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

How about this John Edwards thing? Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming?

At the Sharper Image store, I saw a body fat analyzer. Didn't that used to be called a mirror?

Two Americans have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Economics. They are the first to figure out all the charges on their telephone bill.

George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much.

Attorney General John Ashcroft has been hospitalized. I believe he is suffering from homophobia. No, actually, it was just gallstones, but when they gave him the hospital gown that opens in the back, he refused to wear it, he thought it was a gay wedding dress.

President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating.