Fox News has changed its slogan from 'Fair and Balanced' to 'See, I told you so!'

Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So, I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as "karma." The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings.

A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers.

A historic operation occurred over in Boston. Doctors successfully transplanted tissue from a pig's brain to a man's brain -- and the man's brain did not reject it. That pretty much confirms what women have been saying about men.

President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'

I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.' That seems a little personal to me.

Actually, the University of California says they may start a marijuana research center. Really? I thought the University of California was a marijuana research center.