It seemed that after he was killed, Gadhafi's body was stored at a commercial freezer at a shopping mall. It's one thing to hunt a guy down and shoot him twice in the head, but then to drag him to the mall? Come on, guys hate that.

John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn't bother John Kerry, he said, 'To me, she looks like a million bucks'

Show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.

President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'

They were going crazy in Kansas. People were up to 9 p.m. I think that was the greatest thing to happen to Kansas since the eradication of the boll weevil.

The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider.

The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was so powerful it knocked the Mark Foley story right off the front page. And knocked him off the page he was on, too.