Have you seen the cover of Newsweek? They have Martha Stewart on the cover, but it's not actually Martha. It's a doctored photo. They put Martha's head on a slimmer woman's body. And Martha was very upset about this. She said, 'Hey, if I wanted my face on another woman's body, I'd stay in prison.'

Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count Hillary in 2016.

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.

Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back.

John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.

Dean's wife, Judith Steinberg, made a rare appearance with Dean. She's a doctor, so I guess they brought her in to stop the hemorrhaging.

Obama called on Americans to have more grandchildren. Probably so there's more of them to pay off our debt.