If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy.

I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, 'An apology is not a sign of weakness.' And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn't even a sign you're sorry.

Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

USA Today reports that the number of death row executions this year has hit a 35-year low. They attribute that to DNA evidence clearing more people and the fact that Rick Perry has been on the road campaigning.

If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else.

So, it's pretty crazy. Look, we're bailing out Wall Street, we're bailing out banks, we're bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there's a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government?

If you're a car salesman, and someone says "This is a terrible car, I'm not buying it," it doesn't mean they hate you. They just don't like your product. I think that's a mistake a lot of people in show business make.. they're so tied to their act they take everything personally.