A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.

America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'

Did you hear about this 20-year-old kid named John Walker from Northern California who was apparently fighting for the Taliban?... It didn't take long for the TV networks to jump on this Walker thing. CBS has a new show: 'Walker: Taliban Ranger.'

In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand outside and chant anti-Romney slogans. Well, who says President Obama isn't creating any new jobs?

Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.