As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's about gasoline.

Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So, I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as "karma." The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings.

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America.

If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star.

This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his money, he'll be dead in a week.

All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle Easterners.