Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys on Wall Street got 'get out of jail free' cards?

Show business is like Champagne. You'll appreciate it more if you don't drink it everyday

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

President Obama released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know what that means? Even Obama is doing worse under President Obama.

President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony Weiner said, “It’s a trap, don’t do it!” But President Obama’s tweets are a little different than Anthony Weiner’s. When Obama sends out pictures of something obscene, it’s the unemployment numbers.

Changing the story until you believe it.

George W. Bush loves golf because it's like the election--low score wins.