It's cold out. It's even cold in Florida. So cold today that Katherine Harris put on a third layer of makeup.

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States.

Elections officials here in California are concerned that having 247 candidates would require a ballot so long it would be difficult to count. Today in Florida they said, 'What? You count the ballots?'

According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in other words, government workers who aren't there are needed to spend money we don't have to create jobs that don't exist.

Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what's left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere.

Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?