According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

President Bush appeared with Arnold Schwarzenegger at a huge campaign event. Only in California can a governor who speaks German and a president who can barely speak English try to make themselves clear to an audience that's primarily Spanish.

I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went 'Booo! Booo!' and was throwing stuff. I had to say 'Governor Davis just shut up and sit down!'

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence.

For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.'

Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer.

The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody stole all their couches.