CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.

Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one of 12 children. He grew up in a two room home with just one bathroom, worked his way through school, became the first person in his family to graduate from college. And, sadly, fell in with the wrong crowd and wound up in Congress.

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.

Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns.

Riding a Ducati is like having sex with an aerobics instructor - you know, I'm exhausted and panting and it's going: 'Are you done, already?'

9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control!