If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else.

There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.

Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.

A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good this guy's disguise was, instead of a holdup note he was reading from a teleprompter.

The big rumor going around is, we may begin bombing Iraq. Or, as the White House calls it, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.

Changing the story until you believe it.

According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.