If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else.

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed.

President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'

More warnings issued by all branches of the government today that another terrorist attack is imminent. We're not sure when, we're not sure where, just that it is coming. Who is attacking us now, the cable company?

You could do anything in your room at college. You could smoke pot, live in a coed dorm, have a girl. But you couldn't have a . . . hot plate!

Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it's an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing.