If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else.

American Taliban John Walker Lindh has pleaded guilty to two counts of terrorism and will face twenty years in prison. I guess that means his jihad is on ji-hold.

Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.

George W. Bush loves golf because it's like the election--low score wins.

When you fix something with your hands it gives you a sense of accomplishment and a sense of self worth.

Show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.

The Olympics start on Friday, and Russia is implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. During the games, the government will monitor every email, every social media message, and listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are even comparing Russia to the United States, that's how bad it is.