Kerry is saying that Bush never showed up for his national guard duty ... and now Bush is on the attack. He's accusing John Kerry of ducking time in the national guard by hiding out in the jungles of Vietnam.

President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd never be able to tell him what's in the newspapers every day.

This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.

You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's $25 million. This is what I love about our priorities. We spend $25 million trying to get rid of Saddam Hussein. The Republicans spend $50 million trying to get rid of Gray Davis. It doesn't seem quite right.

According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.

Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count Hillary in 2016.

John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called a 'charisma black hole.'